Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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