Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
is that a dick in a sweater?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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