my phone needs a breathalizer
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
