Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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