Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
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