drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
