Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
