the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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