Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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