i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
