I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
