the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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