It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
