U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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