i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
