Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
