okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
