I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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