So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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