you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
