My sheets look like a crime scene.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
