For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
