omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
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