I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
