I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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