Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
