Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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