he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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