I must be too annoying 4 u.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
