just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Come see our sink grown plant.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
