the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
