So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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