I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
