Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
