Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
they're like a gay fantastic four
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
