Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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