Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
