i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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