Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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