he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
