And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
