I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
is this the sara with the beer cane?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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