Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
