And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
