Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
