my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
