The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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