I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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