Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
only you would photoshop your dick
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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