The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
