She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
