Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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