Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
