i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
